Gummy Bears

HAH. Gummy bears in my tummy. Yum Yum Yummy!!
Boys are still dumb, and I'm still lonely, but what ever. I have gummy bears and that makes me happy. I kinda am supposed to be writing a history paper right now so... ugh... I need to write it like an AP essay and just get it done. lol then go to dinner with Tom. Ugh.... papers = bane of my existence. Any who, Day two.:)

Rain, Curly hair, and a challenge

It's raining out side, the girl with the curly hair,
the one who is sad,
sits by her window and watches the sleet fall,
the one that wants your quiet smile to herself,
stumbles over the words required to tell you that she needs you,
the one that wishes she hadn't moved away,
and yet she doesn't know what she wants,
the one who sits alone,
even though she is surrounded by people.
This girl needs a knight, some one to tell her they care,
the one who will tell her she's beautiful,
even when she looks like a wet poodle,
the one who will hold her tight and whisper in her ear,
late at night when the rain hits the pavement cold and wet,
the one who will tell her stories that make her laugh till she can't breath,
stories over dinner that have nothing to do with anything.
the one to brush her hair behind her ear,
to hold her face and kiss her in the cold rain.
A curly haired girl, wishes the rain would tell you she's lonely.

Welcome to Day one of finding me and the world around me. Day one of trying to pick up the pieces that finally shattered. 3 years of being okay, I am not okay. Aka I keep saying that im going to do that dumb 30 day challenge so here it is, but on my terms and not just fluff. Cause I am not going to lie. I struggle. And today and yesterday were bad days for me. So... lol here it is. Picture One. Me. And my poem about how I just wish I liked guys that would show affection toward me, like hold me tight, whisper cute things in my ear, tell me they actually need me, Treat me like a lady, walk me to my dorm/car/what ever, open doors for me, touch my face, compliment me, grab me and kiss me gently in the rain, yeah.... that's what I want.
I know I'm supposed to be the tough girl, one of the guys, but that's only half of who I really am.

You know my motivation given my reputation.....

Oh you know... that tonight I'm lovin' you ;)
Gotta love Enrique Inglesias.
So.... What happens to be on my mind right now is a lot of random things that don't really have any correlation.
"Song Lyrics" Because I have been listening to music non stop for the last 5 hours.
"Shopping lists" because me and David are (supposed to be) going shopping tomorrow, unless he's a pansy and can't stand waiting for the bus in -20 degree weather with me.... he has a point.
"Bus schedules" For shopping tomorrow :D
"Skating!!!" On Valentines day with David. He asked me if I wanted to go cause it's super cheap "if you have two people" Lol he was careful not to say 'if you had a date' or 'if you were a couple' which was much appreciated. I'm still pretty sure I'm going to break something but it should be fun regardless.
"Boys" Yeah..... They're on my mind, and yes there are multipul of them. BUT NOT MORE THAN LIKE 3. and even three is pushing it by one.... mostly it's just two. one that's being a dinkus, the other that's just way out of my reach (but in a strange way) vauge enough for you??
"Homework??" As in.... Do i have homework??
"Spring" it needs to be warm again so I can wear pretty clothes and feel attractive again
"Concert music" for our concert on Sunday.

And the thought of writing a winter guard solo for our spring show. Yeah... Idk what song to do though. or rifle or flag. Eh what ev's i'll figure it out.

I have no words.

well..... I seem to have failed again. hahahah this day started out as such a good day too.... hahah oh irony how you have to be so mean. Hahah oh well.... I guess life goes on.... or that's what they tell me... just laugh it off right??? I mean what else do you do?? Break down in tears infront of your roommate?? no. Go complain to one of your other friends?? lol I guess that's what this is doing now. hahah or just.... accept the fact. hahah and on a date that's pretty special for us (9 mths today). I dont know what im supposed to do now. Just wait I guess. Yup... just wait and try to figure out what I did wrong.

life pondering

The weekly buzz from college is..... Not much going on. Trying to cope with winter, spinning rifle in Winter Guard. I cleaned out my side of the room. That was really exciting (minus the fact that I lost my tiny scissors that I use to cut my bangs so uhh... my hair's going to be getting pretty interesting) Other than that. I haven't done much. OH WAIT! I went to this dance party that was super fun! And on February 5th there's another dance party, I love to dance!!! (So... I think until this point I have always spelled February wrong... I always thought it was Febuary) (oops) Yup. I'm also crazy trying to figure out my life. Here's the list so far of things I want in life:
- Travel
- A career in Anthropology or History
- To settle down and marry (or maybe not marry but know that I will always have some one there.... which if that means getting married I'm all for it)
- Have that unique vintage inspired whispy outward appearance (yet still have that tough granola girl side)
- Be very health conscious
- Grow my own garden for both flowers and food.
- Have egg laying chickens. Not too many though...
- Own one cat. Even though I'm allergic, I'm going to find a hypo allergenic cat that I will love forever.
- Write a book, like a legit book, I always start these stories but never actually try to publish any of them.
- Be in a position that I can camp and canoe in the BWCA every other year for the rest of my life.
- Oh and hike the Appalachian trail:)

And that in a nut shell is what I want to do with my life. And so today... at 10:57 on a Tuesday I start the rest of my life. As a semi-adult. Guys I gotta grow up... And that is one scary adventure... @_@ why the hell am I thinking about this?? I need to go shower and go to sleep... I think I'm craving both Beau and Spring.
Sigh. Peace out World, may you rest well this cold winter night. §
PS The pic has no point. It's so random I thought it fit right in.

"50 first Dates"

So I'm watching that movie and it's pretty much breaking my heart. I'm so glad that Liz doesn't stick around the room much. I'm pretty much balling my eyes out. It does help that I'm already feeling sorry for myself and I'm all depressed and really missing my Beau right now. But it's so cute, and I don't normally like Adam Sandler. Granted as of right now I'm a bit over half way through the movie but still. Maybe this is just pre pms-ing. (Bwahahahhahah movie update, they just had sex, and the dolphins are freaking hilarious.) (T__T "Lucy, will you marry me?" "Ofcourse" "Don't forget me" "Never" T__T)
Sigh, Yup.... this is what I do with my time. I am really really missing Beau right now. I am really being sappy right now. Also wondering if i should let him read this.... NAWWWWWW he'd prolly dump me.
OH MY GOSH, idk if any one has seen the trailers for the new movie "The Roomate" holy shit. that just looks scary, I feel like that would be the creepiest thing ever, especially since she seems all normal at first, or in the way of outer apperence she looked totally normal.
In other news. It's cold here. Like rediculously cold. And I tried to buy books today at 8am... I failed cause i didnt have enough money. which is dumb cause I am making a shit ton of money these next two weeks but I dont get paid for that amount till FEBUARY 15th!! Which makes buying books really stressful and is causing some major anxiety problems. And I want to stop being dependent on my parents so much, they pay for everything. And I just feel so inadequate.
OH MY GOD....... THAT MOVIE WAS AMAZING. I CAN'T BELIEVE.... T_T GUYS IM CRYING. that was the cutest movie ever.
And then i flip to Jersey Shore.
Uhhh peace out world.

My Expectations for this semester...

... are not very optimistic. 8 - noon classes, half hour to hour break for lunch, work from 1 ish to when ever it decides to spit me out. I haven't bought books yet, and my fish has Ick. A deadly disease that makes him have white spots all over and not get enough O2. The good news is that it can be cured, the bad news is I have no salt.... AND THE CATERING COMPANY I WORK FOR DIDNT EVEN HAVE LITTLE PACKETS OF SALT FOR ME TO JANK!! ugh..... poor fishy. His name is Francis Mathew Decker-Peake. He is the adoptive son of me and Beau. Yeah.... I pretty much don't want him to die (the fish that is) (however if Beau died i'd probably die to.... lets not go there) Annnd this is going to be a short blurb cause i have a dieing fish to take care of and some books to buy. Ho shat. And no time to do that... Class from 8-noon and then work from one to who knows when.... and then i need to find salt. for the fish... than wednesday... class from 9-noon then work at one till 3:30 then Volunteer work till 6. Than thursday... class from 8-noon THEN I CAN FINALLY GO BUY BOOKS AND FIND A PET STORE AND GET A CHEEP GRAVEL VACUME AND MAYBE SOME ACTUAL MEDS FOR FRANCIS!! I just have to get though tuesday and wednesday, then i have a three day weekend and no work.... I'll need it though. love you all!! Peace out.