One of the boys???

Wait.... is this possible?! Has my dream really come true?!! Have I actually been accepted as...... ONE OF THE BOYS?!??!?!?!??!!!

Soooo, This story starts when my roomie decided to start hanging out with Jred. Jred is an idiot idiot face with no real good intentions besides being all drunk and gross and shit. And well my Roomie (now to be know as Roomie) Has started hanging out with him every friggen day. Which leaves me an awkward third wheel or just awkward in general cause i have NO intention on going to these parties and just stand along the wall, GAAH. What I'm trying to say is that I hung out with ROomie all the time. But now I don't want to cause one) I don't deal well with guys that are like that, and Two) I DISLIKE JRED VERY MUCH. and all of his cocky manly annoyingly drunk disgusting chovist male friends. >:[ Yeah that's right my thoughts on my roomie just went through the floor. I thought she had morals.... Welllll lets see she took the walk of shame at 8 yesterday morning... Obviously idk what she was doing, and i have no proof besides I walked with her to a kegger (thinking I might just chill and dance or something and see what a kegger was like) then I left with in 5 mins of arriving cause it was effing scary as shit. any ways moral of story I didn't see Roomie till 8 the next AM. What evs What evs. Now back to actual story.

While I was sulking about having to be the awkward 3rd wheel or the weird girl who doesnt like guys or the... oh never mind. whilst i was feeling sorry for myself my guy friends (that i met through the first week of orientation stuff) Started hanging out with me and texting me. which led to us Hanging out litterally ALL weekend. Okay let me modify there are actually two girls in our group. So me and Courtny. But Courtny doesnt really count Cause she's dating Jeramiah. So friday night we hung out... Did some crazy things like walk all over campus, watched all the Frats do their little stage things in front of their buildings. We ate dinner together. Saturday we hung out like all day. I played soccer with them in the AM. (and managed to get tagged, yeah im no longer human folks. BUt it's okay cause most of the guys are zombies too. Cept lance... but were watching him patiently) Yeah, then we watched a bunch of movies.

But what's cool is that, they are so like me!! They are all into gaming and we had this crazy game discussion yesterday. and we discussed movies, me and David got into a heated debate about Star Wars (I don't have a problem with the "new" movies. He about killed me right then and there when i said that, he's an adimate hater of movies 1,2&3 but loves the old ones) And then we were talking about how there wern't any girls playing the HvZ game, this is how it went down.
David: Yeah like half our dorm is playing.
Me: Yeah I'm the only one playing on my floor, or in my dorm for that matter.
Tyler: Well that's cause youre in an all girls dorm. Girls don't play games like this, unless they have guy friends that tell them about it.
Me: HEY! Then what Am I!? Cause Im pretty sure I found out/decided to play with out any GUY telling me too.
David: Well that's cause your'e cool.
Me: Oh I see so I'm one of those cool girls that's what youre saying XD *insert laugh*

X] Oh yea.... That's right I'm one of those cool girls that can be one of the guys. YOu have noooo idea how happy that makes me. Oh and best part. Were all going to see Bo Burnam tomorrow night. It's going to rock!! I am so excited!!
Oh and today in between church i played Devil May Cry 4.... besides my computer Effing up the download so the guy runs super super super slow... stupid glitch... It's one of the best games iiiiin theeee world.... Good weekend. Whooo. Okay well That was a book. and now Im going to bed.

GAH IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!! my true tom boy nature has been set free. Sorry if that was the most random thing EVER. but Hey. Life is good. And it's nice to be a nerd again and fit in.
Peace out fellow Zombies.

HvZ

Google HvZ, what do you get?? A whole bunch of universities across the world playing what is basically a game of tag. And Yes folks... It is happening right here in river city. Just kidding, actually it's happening in Ames, Zombie invasion ISU style. Technically the game started an hour ago. I've yet to see any Zombies or be chased or... well even wear my red arm band outside. Rules of the game? Red bandanna = human, green= infected flesh eater. Zombies try to tag humans to turn them into zombies, humans can fight zombies with socks. If a Zombie gets hit with a sock it has to freeze for 10 seconds. Yeah it's pretty much my dream come true. I just wish I was part of a Zomie killing team or some team or soemthing. cause it's really boring right now cause well.... I'm not doing anything. Besides wearing a red bandanna on my arm and I have socks in my coat pocket. Though in an hour I have to make my way across campus to the MU to drop of my pay roll info and then go to AM IN studies. Lol maybe I just wont wear my red on the outside of my coat XD that is totally cheating. buuuut I don't really wanna play in the middle of the day. >.< depends on how many red wearers i see floating around. XD Damn i wish i still had my camera so I could take pictures of this!!!! SO BA!!!! Hahah I hope by the time I go out there are more ppl playing. Okay well... This has rambled long enough. Wish me luck outside world. And pray that the virus doesn't spread to your city...

There are days.

(http://storms-shadow.deviantart.com/) i did some of my own editing:D but i stole that persons pic... >.<>The last two days were.... not so good. Yesterday was our dorms Sadie Hawkins dance. I took my friend Alex. (We actually got the kid to dance by the end of the night it was great!!! lol he's a very entertaining dancer) But any who, I didn't have Evan, which killed me on the inside a little bit. And my Roomie and my other friend that I went with had like hard core dates (Kate had her bf there for the weekend, and Roomie had a date) It was really weird cause Roomie just broke up with a long term boy friend of hers and she's been all over like every guy I've seen her with. Like at the dance she was ALL UP in this kids business (and vice versa) Then she left with him, she told me it was to watch a movie... But I am pretty sure she took him up on an offer to go to a kegger. Now don't get me wrong I am not judging! Cause I did the exact same thing when my boy friend of 2 1/2 years dumped me. (Okay i didnt go to keggers, But i havnt exactly been single for more then 4 months since then; I just date all of my friends who are guys) I lost my train of thought..... Oh the dance. It sucked. I mean I love dancing, but I always end up looking like I'm trying to hard to look all sexy. IDK maybe that's just me..... Gah that train of thought just went crashing off the tracks.

NEW TRAIN; I did jack shit all day. Till 4 pm I hadn't left my dorm, save for brushing my teeth showering, peeing and washing a spoon. I am so friggen lame! (Roomie is off in some city somewhere with yet another guy that has fallin' head over heels for her since she is now single) .... That was mean..... I didnt mean it be be mean, just that I miss Evan and truth be told I am wicked jealous that she has so much fun. I mean, I guess I don't mind college so much. But at the same time I wish I had more friends and like could go out and do stuff... I am so pathetic! LOL here it is Saturday Night, and I am blogging instead of going to a party or watching a movie with friends, or doing anything.... I'm BLOGGING. Writing to the interwebs my inner most thoughts and idiot mind vomit. While trying to have a conversation with my boyfriend, whom I love very much but it's like milking a cat to get him to talk to me lately! And I know it's cause he's stressed about school. I get that! But I am so lonely here! I hear the party girls across the hall from us getting ready to go out, all of their boys are being loud and obnoxious (probably already drunk) and here I am in my dorm room with my computer. I hate this! At least at home I had my horses or the woods to go stomp through if i needed alone time. Here i have a stuffy room that smells like popcorn and a lame ass freshman's imagination.

w..o..w. That was a lot of rant. I wish I could have taken those guys up on going to a dance party with them, but then Evan texted me and I couldn't ditch Evan again (I kinda did but not really last night). Yup folks that's muh life. right thur. My biggest wish right now is that I could just curl up into a ball and sleep till monday, I hate weekends. And I totally would but I have to go to church, and I have a concert tomorrow. I don't want to sing, my voice sucks and I don't like concerts. I think after all of these years, just like running, my voice will get worse and worse as the years go on. Oh and the night mares came back two weeks ago. sigh.

Happy.... I am Happy.

If only on the outside, the only side that counts.

If only for the one's I love, to hide my selfish self.

If only just to fool my brain, I'll one day be complete.

I'm happy now, as ever will, I always, always be. §

Sitting here

Sitting here, with the window open, feeling the wind, seeing the sun, smelling the Autumn air. All alone, in that place that helps me concentrate, that smells like dust and old things, that has an out of tune piano and book shelves with old books no one reads. The molding and the base boards are scratched and aged from being in a college dorm common room, the door has numbers painted on it designating the room and floor, the out of place industrial sprinklers are the newest addition besides the last coat of white paint to hide the stains and the stories. The light is off, the window is open, the shade is drawn, it's warm, comfortable, my place in a strange and foreign world. The only other noise besides the jolly people outside, is the clicking of my fingers on a black and dusty laptop.

So I am sitting in my dorms little common study area. It's totally the coolest place ever. I love this dorm, def going to stay here for a couple years if not more. It's really old and cool. It's not that big of a room but it's got some wicked comfy couches and some nice tables, and a piano that is my new best friend. And no body ever comes here!! Which is such a nice change from the crazy liberary or the other common room which always has people in it (granted the other one is bigger and the piano is actually a grand piano) I was noticing I needed a different place to study because my room was like way way to distracting and I just couldn't focus. SOO. I came here, and at first I just played the piano here, though the piano is super duper loud so I'm pretty sure the neighboring rooms got sick of hearing my choir music and the first two lines of Mill's "The Music Box Dancer". Oh well. And guess what it's so peacefull here! Like, I'm pretty sure I could just stay here forever and ever in this moment and just take in the slight chilly breeze wafting in through the window on my left and the lovely music provided by Pandora radio (favorite find EVER if you don't know about it... def look that up cause it's a life saver). Yup that's what I am up to today, besides like hard core studying (i took a break from reading about Gracile australopiths and robust australopiths to write this. But I should probably get back to that and then I have to go eat lunch by my self (also suprisingly relaxing) and then I have to go talk to the History Ed Advisor to see if I can get into the Hist Ed program so I can be a Middle school history teacher. I like the middle school curiculum much better then the specialized Goverment and us history classes of highschool, so I'd rather stay at the Middle School level. Yup. §

Coming home party = epic win

So this weekend I got to go home, thanks to the kind souls of my roomie and my friend Jesyka, it was the best weekend ever. First off I went to the my highschools homecoming game. I think we won... Idk I didn't stay for the end because we went to "B-dubs" aka Buffalo Wild Wings. That was okay. Got to hang with my best friend and her little sister and her best friend, and all of their dates... My beau being still out of town at a Carrie Underwood concert. Minus the awkwardness it was a blast. Then Saturday we had a crazy formal dinner at my house. (where the picture above was taken) it. was. awesome.

First me and my beau cooked brownies (yum) then we made Chicken Mozzarella, also yum. I have to say that I love cooking with Evan more then anything else, I'm not sure why, just something about cooking makes me happy. The dinner was so perfect. everything tasted really good and every one seemed to be having a blast. Then we walked through the woods in the dark, that was really fun. Very relaxing and really pretty. We tried to tell spooky stories but none of them were really that scary. Lol they were all hilarious though. Then we watched How to Train your Dragon. Best movie ever! Well maybe not best but it was right up there with Up :D Best night ever.

There was one thing I didn't like about this weekend, how short it was. I only go to see Evan on Saturday. But its 4 weeks and 4 days till I go back home for Thanks Giving break. Yes I am already counting down the days >.<

So this is friggen redic. It's now the 3 time i've had to re type parts of this or add more or like wonder why half of it is being deleted... Like i had a friggen whole next paragraph wondering why there was an Indian Shooting a star on the tootsie roll pop wrappers and wondering what that image was for because i know it's special in some way, or atleast that's what my grandparents told me. but noooooooooooooooooooo this stupid thing wont let me post that apperently! WTH!! It was very indepth and a wonderful analysis.... and then when i hit save it said Html error. WTH i didnt even add any Html stuff of my own so it should have just been text.... ugh what ever. Here's the brief version. I eat a banana tootsie roll pop, it tasted weird, i now have a cool yellow wrapper to show for it and that wrapper has the Indian and hte star on it. End of story. it was much better the first time i had to type it. Blogger you are acting super lame today. /end rant

Life

So... college is really difficult right now, not the classes, but the deciding what I'm going to be doing in four years when i graduate. I never thought i wanted to get married, I was so anti marriage and kids it was scary, I wanted to be an Anthropologist just so I could travel the world and never settle down. I wanted to be high profile, an outspoken and vibrant academic who studies people but doesn't get close to people. I was on the line between man-hater and lesbian. Not saying I didn't date. But I didn't date to find a soul mate, it was more or less 'cause that's just what you did when a guy liked you and he asked you out. Granted I did actually like the guys I've dated in the past, don't get me wrong. All of you who know me and know the people (or for some odd chance I have dated you in the past) don't get me wrong, it's just i wasn't dating for the long term or thinking of the future, as most high schoolers do. But something changed this past semester. All I can think about is settling down, starting a family of my own. Sure I still love my Anthro classes, I've finally started to enjoy school because I am studying something that I love! But... Being an anthropologist doesn't allow for settling down and reproducing. So I've started thinking about switching my major too one that is more conducive to a family. History Education X| not sure i know what I'm getting myself into but I love history... and I'd be double majoring in History ed and Anthro. Ugh that's my rant... and I know I'm to young to get married, I'd have to wait 4 years till I graduated... Life would be so easy if i could just know what is going to happen in the next 4-5 years. And the worst part is, I really, really don't want my boyfriend reading this because the last thing i want to do is scare him off!! lol Good thing only my little sister reads this thing XD hahah Cause I can wait four years, hands down I can do that. But... idk.... i lost my train of rant cause criminal minds is very very distracting. GAH ANGST! Wish I was older or not so in love. Lol it sounds so dumb when i say it like that XD But for the past week that's pretty much all i've been thinking about. Besides mid terms. YUCK MIDTERMS!! Okay Im done ranting. I just had to get that out of my system before I burstXD hahah Sigh. I miss my boyfriend.

Those days...

So you're walking to dinner, It's chilly, your arms are crossed. Some girls are infront of you, their skinny and showing it off. There's a group of loud abnoxious guys walking the opposite way, they look at the skinny girls and yell "Hey what time tonight" The girls give the look like 'I've never seen you in my life, get away you disgusting frack.' Girls keep walking, Guys laugh and keep walking. I'm just walking, group of guys walks past me.... one guy looks my way, I don't return the pleasure. "Ewww" Guys laugh, they point, they think they are so funny. I keep walking. First spit now this, I've decided not to walk that way to the dinning center any longer.

Mmm so since Roomie is gone, It's Yoga night:) Oh an much Criminal Minds:) lol Whoooo!!!!

Sighing in the key of Eb

So... First off i have to state that you know that nervous feeling you get in the pit of your stomach?? Like when youre talking to a boy you like, or your about to dive off the high dive, or your about to step out in front of a moving train. Yeah that feeling, in the pit of your stomach... That feeling wont go away!! It's so weird. I was minorly nervous to go volunteer at CPC club today cause it was my first time working with the people and the kids, So I had a healthy dose of nerves, because it's always hard to jump in and help out with events through church when ever one there has known everyone else for their entire lives. I'm a new person, and new people can sometimes not be accepted as readily. but i was working with the k-1st graders. They were all to young to know not to accept new folk so it was great:) But the nerves feeling in my stomach has yet to leave me. I don't think I'm having a panic attack though it's possible. I hope it doesnt turn into a panic attach cause those are not fun... Sigh

So I'm going to the gym later cause I need to start to fight the freshman 15!! Lol also to get in shape so I can do some major hiking this summer or even this winter, winter break I kinda want to go snow shoeing and def do a lot of Cross country skiing, but that requires me to be in good shape. So I worked out last night and I'm going to go again in an hour.

Mmm today was another really good Fall day. lots of leaves and lot's of beauty:) Whoo... okay I'm off to finish some Anthro homework!

October

It's October! I love October, it's something about the smell, something about the way people start bundling up, something about small children in big puffy coats with red cheeks and noses. And Apples! Mmm sweet apples.

Today is Friday the frist of October. It's an awesome day. I want to go back outside with my camera and take pictures upon pictures. But I'm going to wait till my littlest sister gets here tomorrow evening to do that. Today however the only thing's i accomplished were going to class and doodling. lol my notes are turning into one picture after another. Mostly different facial expression's I've been working on. Some day I'm going to put together a crazy sketch dump... that will be epic. Today i was drawing a very sad girl on my American Indian studies notes... I sit in the front row and I'm more of a listener then a watcher so I just absentmindedly doodle while I listen to these crazy sad stories. She's pretty cool if i must say so myself XD hahah though the professor kept giving me these looks like WTH... do you not pay attention ever??

In other news; got a text from a friend today saying something about getting out of the hospital. That was a shocker. I was like what the heck dude!? He hasn't had a good week... Like seriously; getting in multiple car accidents and such. Jeeze. He's a strange bird. Though he is crazy in love with Jesus... lol his words about all of the craziness were like "Well now we know the devil is really trying to get rid of me. I must be doing something right" or something like that. i was like.... okay that would not be my first thoughts if i got in two accidents, one of them the car was totaled, then ended up needing surgery for an infected hand.... lol well there you go then. Maybe that's why God doesn't send me crazy trials like that, cause i'd just cave and blame it all on myself, think i was getting punished for something. Hahah. ANY WHO. Man.

ITS FRIDAY!! hahah That's super duper exciting cause it means skype date with Evan!!!! IMB SO FREAKING EXCITED!!! hahaha Whoo lots of excitment. and lots of drawing. and lots of october!!! GOOD DAY!!!! Hmm forgot to e-mail my pastor back. I should do that O.o

Oh man one more story: So there's this really attractive kid in my AM IN studies class. (one must know that the whole class is like hick town usa except like me and this other kid... weird) anywho this kid is a Star Trek fan, and his parents are hard core trekies and all that, so i wanna get to know him! (The fact that he is attractive has nothing to do with it, i'm already taken dont get any ideas) ANY WAYS HE WALKED PAST ME AND HE SMELLED GOOD. well walked past is kinda... not right. It's more like..... i almost turned around and did a face plant into his chest.... lol akward! but he smelled really good. why is it that guys body spray always smells so good!? Haha I think for christmas ima get Evan some XD hahah just kidding. But seriously, I was always under the impression that women were supposed to wear the purfume and like be all smelly good, but I've since come to the conclusion that Guys smell way better then Girls! cause they don't wear enough to be like HOLLY SMELL. but like it's suttle and..... O.o yum.... yeah that made no sense. Moral of story? I like the smell of guys body spray. ;D

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