There are days.

(http://storms-shadow.deviantart.com/) i did some of my own editing:D but i stole that persons pic... >.<>The last two days were.... not so good. Yesterday was our dorms Sadie Hawkins dance. I took my friend Alex. (We actually got the kid to dance by the end of the night it was great!!! lol he's a very entertaining dancer) But any who, I didn't have Evan, which killed me on the inside a little bit. And my Roomie and my other friend that I went with had like hard core dates (Kate had her bf there for the weekend, and Roomie had a date) It was really weird cause Roomie just broke up with a long term boy friend of hers and she's been all over like every guy I've seen her with. Like at the dance she was ALL UP in this kids business (and vice versa) Then she left with him, she told me it was to watch a movie... But I am pretty sure she took him up on an offer to go to a kegger. Now don't get me wrong I am not judging! Cause I did the exact same thing when my boy friend of 2 1/2 years dumped me. (Okay i didnt go to keggers, But i havnt exactly been single for more then 4 months since then; I just date all of my friends who are guys) I lost my train of thought..... Oh the dance. It sucked. I mean I love dancing, but I always end up looking like I'm trying to hard to look all sexy. IDK maybe that's just me..... Gah that train of thought just went crashing off the tracks.

NEW TRAIN; I did jack shit all day. Till 4 pm I hadn't left my dorm, save for brushing my teeth showering, peeing and washing a spoon. I am so friggen lame! (Roomie is off in some city somewhere with yet another guy that has fallin' head over heels for her since she is now single) .... That was mean..... I didnt mean it be be mean, just that I miss Evan and truth be told I am wicked jealous that she has so much fun. I mean, I guess I don't mind college so much. But at the same time I wish I had more friends and like could go out and do stuff... I am so pathetic! LOL here it is Saturday Night, and I am blogging instead of going to a party or watching a movie with friends, or doing anything.... I'm BLOGGING. Writing to the interwebs my inner most thoughts and idiot mind vomit. While trying to have a conversation with my boyfriend, whom I love very much but it's like milking a cat to get him to talk to me lately! And I know it's cause he's stressed about school. I get that! But I am so lonely here! I hear the party girls across the hall from us getting ready to go out, all of their boys are being loud and obnoxious (probably already drunk) and here I am in my dorm room with my computer. I hate this! At least at home I had my horses or the woods to go stomp through if i needed alone time. Here i have a stuffy room that smells like popcorn and a lame ass freshman's imagination.

w..o..w. That was a lot of rant. I wish I could have taken those guys up on going to a dance party with them, but then Evan texted me and I couldn't ditch Evan again (I kinda did but not really last night). Yup folks that's muh life. right thur. My biggest wish right now is that I could just curl up into a ball and sleep till monday, I hate weekends. And I totally would but I have to go to church, and I have a concert tomorrow. I don't want to sing, my voice sucks and I don't like concerts. I think after all of these years, just like running, my voice will get worse and worse as the years go on. Oh and the night mares came back two weeks ago. sigh.

Happy.... I am Happy.

If only on the outside, the only side that counts.

If only for the one's I love, to hide my selfish self.

If only just to fool my brain, I'll one day be complete.

I'm happy now, as ever will, I always, always be. §